For a Good Cause...

I am having one of those days today.  You know the kind.  The kind where you are convinced that you are raising the worst children on planet earth.  Our adventure today was supposed to be fun.  We were heading to a local food club to buy food in bulk for some needy families in the area.  I explained to Greyson that we are very blessed that we have food and some boys and girls don't have any.  We went through 10 minutes of question and answer.  He understood that we were doing a good deed and that Jesus was smiling upon us.  And that's where the warm fuzzies end.  

I have to put Cooper in the cart (because he's still not walking since getting his cast off) and he throws a monster size fit.  Arching his back, screaming "NO," and trying to bite my hands.  After I finally get him locked in I explain to Greyson that he can walk as long as he obeys.  1 strike and you're in the cart.  I was secretly praying he would be good b/c these carts are designed to hold 2 kids in the front.  I've done it before and they hit each other the whole time.  Fun.  We get 8 steps into the store and Greyson has to pee.  (I'm now longing for the pull-up days).  All the way across the store to the bathroom.  Out of the cart goes Cooper and into the public bathroom.  I'll spare you the details but why do they feel the need to touch everything?  Back into the cart where this time I get bit.  (if it wasn't such an ordeal to go back into the bathroom for little "talk," trust me, we would have.)  At this point, the fun of doing a good deed is gone and now that we're here, let's just get this over with.  

I start putting things into the cart and turn around and Greyson is nowhere to be seen.  I finally find him hiding behind some cases of green beans.  I bend down, state the rules a little more clearly, and off we go praying I don't have to put him in the cart with his brother.  I pass 3 little old ladies who work at the store handing out samples.  Today's theme: High fructose corn syrup and red dye #40.  Basically, it was all sugar.  Chocolate dipped popcorn, pudding pops, and some pie.  To each of them I politely say no while both of my children act like they haven't eaten in 3 days yelling "I'm so hungry."  One little old lady just wouldn't let it go.  It was like I was offending her own recipe by saying no.  She finally says to me "it's just a sample, it's really small."  I say back to her "so are they and unless you are volunteering to watch them while I finish shopping we should probably stay away from the sugar."  

Now, down aisle 5 with not one but two screaming little banchees.  It was like they were addicts.  The very thought of passing up all that sugar was making them shake.  I've about lost it here, just a few more aisles to go when all of a sudden a nice man asks if this is my wallet.  Why, yes it is?  How did you get it?  He said he found it on aisle 3.  I look right to Cooper and turn around to see a trail of my personal (if you know what I mean) belongings tossed all over the floor.  Fan-freaking-tas-tic.  The guy then says, looks like you have your hands full.  Maybe you should get them some of that chocolate dipped popcorn.  That would keep them quiet.  Greyson heard popcorn and that whining fit started all over again.  At this point I am throwing things in the cart, I'm sweating, aggravated, and frankly trying to decide if I should leave them both here or not.  (not really, but it sounds nice at times).  Now, Greyson is in the floor (the dirty, public floor) wailing.  Up I grab him and into the cart.  WWF is about to break out and my minutes are numbered now that they are sitting next to each other in the cart.  

We finally make it to the checkout and the lady runs out of receipt tape.  I'm about to lose it, the boys have lost it.  People are either snickering at us or telling the person they are with what I should be doing differently.  I tell the lady that I don't need a receipt but she states that I have to have one to get out of the door.  After watching her fiddle with the tape for 4 minutes she finally figures it out and off we go.  We got in the car and headed home.  Neither boy made a peep on the way home.  They knew they we're out of control and mommy was upset.  As I'm typing this blog my phone rings and it's the store we just left.  They found my church approved worker photo ID badge with my name and info on it in aisle 3.  What the heck happened in aisle 3 and where was I?